I feel like a teenaged boy today.

=D

( Remove Later )

-Keep up to date with my notes (I am a class behind in Economics)
-Get a really good term paper together (I have a pretty good start on mine, but I'm not sourcing enough peer-edited sources yet (I still need one from the class and one external source)

I was good Yesterday: I stayed inside all day and typed out a lot of my paper. I felt okay, but the truth is that I had twice as much stamina for writing last year (I was shitting out eight single-spaced pages of ESSAY per night). I guess the big difference is that I knew what the fuck I was talking about last year, whereas this year, I'm basically bullshitting my way through it all.

I hate writing. I'm not talented at it. I'm just anal retentive (I have come to realize that many many academic writers are also untalented and anal retentive, which just depresses me even more).

Moral of the story: only take exam-based classes: I will take my ASTU this school and then never take another English, Philosophy, Political Science, or History class ever again.

Complain complain complain. School ends next week.

Funny Thing: It's raining like hell (and it has been for a WHILE), but I'm not any more depressed than I usually am.

NOTE: When I come back to Calgary, I am playing with Marqui's ears

Sarah's back in Calgary now. Life goes on. =(

We talked about the end of the world in Sociology.
I had a short story I wrote about the end of the world in my backpack at the same time.
In Sociology, the world ended almost exactly how I figured it would via short story.

Conclusion: I'm a modern day Nostadamus.

Sarah's in town now. GLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

This is my thesis statement:
Throughout Diamond Grill, Fred Wah subverts official history by repositioning it within a larger poetic narrative which questions and contradicts it. More specifically, Diamond Grill de-emphasizes the constructed authority of many authoritative documents detailing the Chinese-Canadian experience, and demonstrates that official history can be a highly flawed knowledge form.

That took me a half hour, but Goddammit, it's a START! I have 2 weeks.

I still haven't shaved. If it makes you feel any better, I'll stop taking photos of it. I know it's not particularly nice looking. I'm going to do the whole aesthetics thing at the end of November (actually Probably on December 4th when all of my classes are over). I'll shave the hell outta my face, get a haircut, and even shave my unibrow to boot!

This is what the weather in vancouver is like


My room is cold and damp, and I am avoiding going into it. I have to eventually, because I have people I must phone at some point today.

Me'n Genya went to Kathleena's open mic night at Ritsumeiken tonight. Some guys played Tribute. I felt old.

BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE SARAH IS VISITING OVER THE WEEKEND!

Goals in Life:
-Get my term paper planned and thesisized
-Find love, obviously
-Get my abs back (be better about my planking)
-OH! Type up my notes for Sociology instead of putting it off
-Figure out fun things to do while Sarah is in town
-Play some music somehow
-Cut down on my caffeine so that the next time I'm feeling depressed, I can cure it with coffee (this doesn't work if I do it too often, because I get acclimatized)
-Be a better person
-Absolve myself of white guilt


-Absolve myself of guilt in general. I have a lot of guilt over stupid things. Like wasted potential.

I don't want to be on the internet right now. I'd rather be doing something awesome in real ife

I just drank a litre of diet coke, and now everything feels like a ferris wheel. I can't decide whether this is the result of cancerous aspartame or caffeine.

I've already typed a lot today, and I have more typing to do after two hours of rehearsal. Which starts in ten minutes. Ugh. This is why I drink so much diet coke. Fake-happy is better than soul-crushing depression.

Graham: I want to give you a big, sad hug. No homo. Or whatever.

50 Pound Note- This guy is an awesome bear from San Fransisco who works as a DJ. He also puts together mixes, which you can download for free from his website. This is the best kind of faggy-ass-electro-shit which everyone love these days, and this guys does it better than anyone else I've heard in a while

Infomania- This a television show. It's funny. It skewers news, sort of like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, only it's actually funny.

Patricia Piccinini- She makes art.

That's all I've got. My new mission in life is to find a boyfriend. That makes me almost exactly the same as every non-committed heterosexual woman/homosexual man in the universe. If anyone has any tips, I would love to hear them, seeing as right now, I've got nothing.

I redid my lj layout. Checkit out!
CLICK ME

Happy Friday the 13th!

I wrote my psychology midterm today. I felt good about it afterwards, but then again, I've felt good about basically every non-econ test I've written this year, and the results have been consistantly mediocre. University's kind of a doozy like that. Other than that, I spent most of the day cleaning my room, and then lounging around like the lazy guy that I am. Genya came over and we watched Paprika! Everyone loves Paprika- it's such a trip.

There are several possibilities which could occur- or not occur- over the course of the weekend.

1: I could finally catch up on all of my Economics notes, type them up, gain a greater understanding of perfect competition and monopoly revenue curves, ace the online quizzes and feel warm and fuzzy inside.

2: Me Jean and Genya could rendevouz and eat...
a) Sushi
b) Cafeteria Food
c) Vegetarian Food
d) Whatever

3: I could go to the bookstore and use the rest of my flex points to buy christmas/hanukkah gifts for my family at the expense of my regular diet pop fixing.

4: I could actually do the readings for sociology, and type up today's notes (I may actually do this tonight)

5: I could meet up with my cousin at some point.

6: I could cook food at my aunt's house.

7: I could go the library and get a head-start on my term paper.

8: I could download music:
-Allison by Slowdive
-Crystal Castles
-The New Tegan and Sara Album
-I'd Rather Dance With You by Kings of Convenience
-I Say Fever by Ramona Falls
-The New Peaches Album
-Black Sea by Fennesz
-Whatever

9: I could sleep in, and try to remember my dreams.

10: I could vacuum my room.

11: I could shower on a daily basis, like a normal human being.

12: I could find my old to-do list, and then do it.

Last Night I Had A Dream: I was at some sort of a reception. It was held at the convervative synagogue, except the synagoge was relocated to the middle of this semi-arid desert area. The insides were all different too- they had green and purple lights, and round paper lanterns. The entire reception was catered by this Chinese catering company, and all of the waiters wore vests. I wanted to use the washroom in the middle of the reception, so I went to go to the restroom, but two of the waiters informed me that I needed a 'bathroom' ticket, which would cost me four dollars. I was pretty pissed off, so I decided I would just go outside and pee on the building (that'd show 'em, non!?). As soon as I went outside, this photographer kept following me around. I tried to shake him off, but he just wouldn't leave me alone. I even found a nice sort of ditch in the ground where I could pee, but he followed me there and just took out his camera, waiting-just-waiting for me to try and pee in public. I conceded defeat.

And that was the story of how I didn't wet my bed last night! =D

There- instead of blogging something depressing, I blogged something disgusting for a change. Midterms for psych are tomorrow. After that, I think I'll do some laundry and cleaning, and I might phone up my aunty and see if she wants to do something. Jean's coming up to the university on the weekend.

I finally did well on one of our in-class book quizzes today in ASTU. 100%! About time I got full marks on something...

I watched TV-on-the-computer with Genya until 4:00 am yesterday. Bad idea, but wonderful nonethless. And then I didn't get everything I wanted to get done DONE today.

On the positive side of things: I won't be able to fall asleep until really late tonight anyways. Oh please let me be productive...

EDIT: I read my book, finished psych, and did my online quiz for Econ today, so I must have done something right.

Midterm Friday,
In-Class Today,
My Room is a cesspool, and my life is average.

I napped and read all afternoon. I'm going to see if I can find anyone who wants to study for psych with me tonight. It's less awful if you don't have to do it by yourself.

It's less awful if you don't have to do it by yourself.

I've got about a month and a week. I talked to my neighbor, and she's having the same problems.

It's not all bad, but I miss my home/childhood. I always blog the same old crap

Real post later- notes and readings first!

Dear Tyler Foehr: Congrats, you are my new favorite gay youtuber! I hope I'm as cool as you when I'm nineteen.

Or better yet, how about you just run away to Canada, buy a drum machine, I'll buy a sequencer, and then we can form a gay dance-band and plays the underage clubs until May seventh!?

Or we could be like Tegan and Sara except male, and not twins?

Oh goddammit I miss playing music. When did I get so pathetic?
-------------------------------
All of my plans for after Econ fell through, so I went back to my room and had instant noodle soup and diet coke. So much for AYCE sushi and pitchers with a huge group of people. Thankfully, Liz and Alex and some other people were having a youtube party in the floor lounge, so it wasn't a complete loss. I have been avoiding talking to people from outside my 5-mile radius for most of this week, so I should probably
-email Jim (and let him know that I'm alive)
-email my psychologist (same reason)
-call my Aunty
-call Bethany
-call Mom
-call Sarah

Holy crap- Sarah gets out this weekend... which is SO good, but sort of strange to think about. It's like the real world back home is going to fall back into place without me, which is sort of sad to think about. The truth is, though, that I'm starting to make my own life out here, which is nice in a way. It's a weird sort of life, but sometimes, it's really really fun. I have friends here, and I'm learning things.

I think the exam went pretty well. My diagrams and writing were a little bit messy, but for the most part, I knew how the cost curves and pricing worked for all of the problems. Kim thinks I should change my prospective major to economics (I know for a fact I'm doing better in Econ than I am in psych). I know that UBC has one of the best economics programs in the world, but the truth is that 1: I don't want to take calculus, and 2: I don't want to be an economist. I would be much happier carving a career out of trying to fix screwed up people than trying to fix a screwed up economy.

I feel strange, but not unhappy right now. About 1 month until term 1 ends.

I paid for my second four months of UBC meal plan
and then watched some television, drank some tea, and read some articles online about economics.

Graham: Of course, you're right. My big problem is pridefulness, which of course keeps me from doing many many things. In that sense, getting pissed on metaphorically might not be such a bad thing for me, because afterwards, I'll probably be more open to getting outside of my own brain. Kind of like how you have to break a horse before it becomes ridable? I am definitely boozing it after econ- that's the tradition now =)

Screw you being younger than me and having no-bars access to liquor/liquor serving establishments. 19 being the age of majority is, with all due respect to people who have to live here full-time, demoralizing. Ugh.

I read your blogspot and picture you living in Edmonton. I'm such a creep.

Arash: I'm sorry you had to see me in such a foul state before I left. I'm not really like that. We should get together for coffee or tea or beer or something over Christmas. How's Scarlett? Is David Olmstead doing alright with Jazz 1?- My bass teacher said he took some lessons earlier in the fall.

Kevin: I'm sorry I was so uncommunicative on Monday. And Saturday. And I'm sorry for being so depressing. I'll get over it.

My Parents: Sorry for not calling/being in my room all week. I'm not dead, I promise.

-My life right now
-Econ Midterm
-Econ Midterm
-Econ Midterm
-Stress
-Guilt
-Bad Dreams about failing Econ
-My other subjects (which I am getting behind in, due to the time am devoting to Econ)
-I had a big cup of coffee today. Why am I not happier or more energetic. I don't understand! =(
-This week is suicide prevention week at UBC (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)
-I would probably be happier doing nothing with my life in Calgary than working myself to death out here
-My parents are the only adults who validate my positive qualities now
-I am wasting time
-I am not happy
-Only girls can make ridiculous amounts of money waitressing for semi-formal restaurant chains (which is a minor form of prostituion IMO)
-Why the fuck didn't I go to SAIT and just learn a trade or something
-UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
-I don't want to be smart, or to make money. I just want to be happy
-Learning more things does not make you money. The more you know about the world, the more miserable it becomes (maybe not, but this is what I have been learning summed down to about one sentence: God doesn't exist, and if he did, all white people would go to hell)
-I don't think I really love anything anymore, except possibly eating and sleeping
-I don't think I am particularly good at anything anymore, except FAKING smarts and organization
-Can we just please go back in time to when things were shitty for everyone EXCEPT ME
-I was busy as shit before, but I always had this optimistic sense that I was doing something worthwhile, or that there would be some kind of positive payoff for me in the end. Right now, it honestly does not feel like that.
-I am still really competitive over things I shouldn't be competitive over. I need to get over myself
-My online life is probably nice and more elaborate than my real life
-And that's not saying much
-I think I fucked up
-Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
-Back to work

Things I Love:
-Diet Coke
-The Internet
-Helping Other People Learn
-The People Who Work At My Cafeteria
-Napping
-Being Gay
-"Jude Hours"
-My Beard
-Feeling Organized and 'On Top' of things
-I'm more than half-done the semester

Things I DO NOT Love:
-My Shitty, Antisocial-ness (I almost never initiate social interaction)
-Sundays
-Putting in a lot of effort for mediocre results
-Being single
-The fact that I am never going to be as "smart" (hahahaha) as I was in high school
-Disappointment in general
-Guilt stemming from not doing EVERYTHING
-When people give me dirty looks for NO REASON (am I a hoodlum or something??)
-White-person guilt for having shitty ancestors (we have been getting a lot of this in Sociology and Arts Studies)
-Having to pee
-Homesickness
-Procrastination